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Twelve Pounds of Ocean Deliciousness
Like a lot of wild food enthusiasts, I have a bucket list of relatives I’d like to harvest. A bull elk is at the top of my terrestrial bucket list that I hope to check off in the next decade. For fish, that top spot belongs to Pacific halibut.
I’ve been fascinated with flat fish ever since catching my first flounder as a child in Florida. What a bizarre and cool quirk of evolution for a fish to adapt to living on the ocean floor by, among other adaptations, having both eyes migrate to one side of their head as they mature.
And then there’s the taste! Sweet, tender, flaky, and one of the least “fishy” tasting fish you can consume.
Oh, did I mention that halibut can grow to lengths of 8ft and weigh hundreds of pounds?!
What’s not to love about this ancient relative that presents all sorts of challenges for anglers and such abundance from its body? Sadly, I don’t live near the Pacific coast, so I don’t have regular access to this fish species.
SOURCING HALIBUT
Halibut isn’t hard to find in most large grocery stores however. Just travel to your frozen food section and you’ll be able to buy halibut filets in various forms — mostly breaded — and enjoy some measure of the deliciousness I’m talking about. Depending on where you live, you may even have access to halibut fillets from your local fish monger. Here in Michigan, those fillets are frozen, which, if you know your fish, takes away from some of the flavor and texture. Not a deal breaker, but if you can get fish that’s never been frozen, you’re going to have a better eating experience.
Like so many things in the USian food system, convenience has become the goal to shoot for, and with it quality of experience gets sacrificed. Buying whole fish — yes, you want the head too — simply isn’t something you can find as easily as in the past. Breaking down a fish takes time, skill, and knowledge that we aspire to pay someone for rather than do ourselves.
And there’s nothing wrong with paying someone to do something you’re not interested in doing, but if you’re going to consume animal relatives, I believe you own it to life your desire has ended to at least know what it takes to prepare their body to nourish your own.
I’m biased though. Many of my earliest and best memories are of fish and fishing with my dad and aunties. The first animal relatives I consciously killed, gutted, and ate were fish. I learned from a very young age the deep satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that comes from feeding yourself directly from the land and fish were among my first teachers.
So when I looked at the “previously frozen” halibut fillets in the display case I decided I wanted something a bit closer to the sense of honor and satisfaction I felt as an angler, monger, and consumer.
“Can I order a whole halibut?”, I asked the Whole Foods fish monger.
“…uh…I think so. Let me check to make sure we can get you one.”
They could get me one, but with a two caveats; the first being that the halibut wouldn’t come with a head.
“Oh no! For real?!”
“Yeah. The guys who catch them keep the heads. Do you still want to place an order?”
“Oh yeah, for sure. I’m just disappointed because I hear halibut cheeks are delicious and I was hoping to also make some ramen with the rest of the head.”
“I know what you mean”, the fish monger smiled knowingly.
The second caveat was that halibut wasn’t in season at the time, so I would have to wait about 4 months to have more order filled. That wasn’t a problem, and actually kind of nice actually. Having to wait for the right season was a reminder that we humans need to wait on our relatives’ schedule rather than force them into ours. The extra time gave me a chance to better prepare and to build the excitement of getting my hands on a prized fish.
Anticipation is a delicious sauce.
ACCEPTING DELIVERY
As I sat in the doctors office I abandoned my plan to pick up the halibut. The nurses were backed up and I wouldn’t have enough time to pick up the fish and then make it back home in time to pick up the kids from school. No halibut today.
I called the fish monger department and they said that picking up tomorrow wouldn’t be a problem. I took a deep breath in and breathed out my disappointment one last time, and left the doctor’s office double checking the list of things I needed to take delivery of a 12lb headless Pacific Ocean relative.
I don’t know if you have a sense of what 12lbs of flat fish is, but that’s a lot of damn fish.
The next day, I ended class in a hurry as my excitement for finally seeing this fish could barely be contained.
I decided to film the delivery in the store and test out my new action camera. Filming in public makes me incredibly self-conscious, but I managed to rig my action cam unobtrusively. I think most people who saw me in the store didn’t notice, or at least didn’t express any bother about such.
I stopped by the department and let them know I was in the store and that I’d come back after I finished my other shopping. That worked out for them because buying whole fish requires some preparation on the fish monger’s part including gutting, scaling, and wrapping said fish.
I finished getting other groceries and returned to the counter to collect my prize. And then the most amazing thing happened, that, looking back, I probably could have predicted. Strangers started talking to me.
“What did you buy?!”
“Is that your fish?!”
“How much was that thing?”
“Is that a whole halibut?”
“What do you plan to make with all that?” (question from the fish mongers)
“Where did you park?” (This was my favorite question)
THE MAGIC OF WHOLE FISH
For an activity that is so deeply rooted in how humans function as social animals, the grocery store is a dead zone of human interaction. But when I took delivery of that +30in 12lbs fish, it was like the people around me came alive. They smiled, they were curious, they had jokes, and I could see just a little bit more of who they are as people. It was beautiful.
The cashier who guessed what fish I was purchasing talked to me for the entire time I checked out about how the pandemic guided her into working in the fish monger department and get more involved in her career in food service. They pointed out how they love the work and that they wished more people would buy whole foods because it has been such a rewarding experience for them.
Before I got to Whole Foods to pick up my fish, I had begun to doubt my purchase. But I can tell you the curiosity and connection I experienced was more than enough compensation for the money I shelled out.
The second reward for this epic purchase was the skills I developed in breaking the fish down and replicating the expertise I’d seen on numerous YouTube videos on processing halibut.
I’d seen halibut filleted many times, but now I had become one of the folks capable of doing something I greatly admired.
Lastly and most rewardingly, the look on my family’s face as we ate our giant fish sandwiches was simply outstanding. I got into wild and whole foods in part to build self-sufficiency skills, but in larger part to build closer bonds with the people I love. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing your hard work physically and emotionally nourish your loved ones and that’s what I was seeing on the faces of my kids and wife as we ate what we all agreed were the best fish sandwiches of our lives.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Would I buy an entire halibut again? Not unless there was a special occasion or a client wanted to learn how to break one down. I like halibut a lot, but now that I’ve had the experience of buying one, I want to take the next step and harvest one directly. I’m in the wild foods game to get as up close and personal to the entire experience as possible and I’ve always wanted to catch one of these monsters.
Plus, I want dem cheeks!
Should you buy a whole halibut? I say go for it! It’s a lot of fish but it’s not cheap. Buying whole ended up being a $7/lb discount off the fillet price, but the entire purchase was a triple digit affair. I’ve got halibut for days and that feels really good, especially knowing the intimate details of the quality of those cuts and the care, love, and respect that went into the preparation process.
This entire experience was so wonderfully affirming for my sense of self and this entire business I’m building off of my somewhat eclectic interest in food and relations. A more wholesome (see what I did there?) food experience is possible and rewarding on levels that speak more directly to our shared humanity. We simply need to give ourselves permission to live in better relations.
If you want more details on my halibut experience, check out this week’s YouTube video!
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New for the Gram
I love this breakfast so much! Growing up, we would regularly have fish on Friday and then fish and grits the following Saturday morning. Halibut was never a fish we had growing up, and for some reason it doesn’t strike me as a something that would make good fish and grits. Only one way to find out though!
Wild Food Update
ALABAMA EXTRAVEGANZA!
In two weeks I’ll be in Mobile, AL with my dad and step uncles fishing in the Gulf of Mexico for red snapper. I couldn’t be more excited for this experience, but it’s also brought up for me a deep curiosity about the relationship between Blackness, the south, and wild foods.
My step mom’s family is from the Deep South and while she moved north for opportunities when she was younger, several of her brothers remained to continue the lifestyle of their parents. Hunting and fishing is what they do and I can’t wait to talk to them about their experiences.
Black wild food harvesters are not celebrated in the mainstream, so the opportunity to connect with and learn from Black practitioners will be an incredible privilege. I don’t know much of anything about Mobile’s history of Black fisher people, food traditions, or culture, but I’m just as interested in this as the species of fish we’ll catch and eat.
If I catch an amberjack — a close relative of my favorite fish for sushi, the yellow tail — y’all might see a grown man screaming with excitement like a 5 year old on a future episode. I’m just preparing you now.
Recommendation
I have a quiet obsession with packing for trips as efficiently as possible. I think a lot of people do as well. Packing just the right thing and having it organized well gives such a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, right?. One weakness in my packing game is organizing my clothes in suitcase; especially on the return trip home. More often than not, I don’t take the time to repack my things well and that somewhat takes away from the joy I get from travel.
This week’s recommendation is aspirational, so I’m not so much as recommending this out of experience, but as a way to hold myself accountable — and perhaps get feedback — on a travel tool I’m seriously considering.
I LOVE my Peak Design Everyday Backpack and I’m very curious about the company’s packing cubes. Folks who use packing cubes swear by them, and I think they’ll solve a problem for me by buttressing the sense of accomplishment one gets from executing an organized travel experience.
Should I buy or is this just a gimmick?
Too late! I bought them! Review coming soon!
Business Update
I bought my third business book written by a Black woman this week; Diana Gladney’s The One Right Video. I’ve been a huge fan of Diana’s content and style of presenting ideas. More than Kathryn Finney and Arlan Hamilton’s work, Diana content speaks more directly to the type of business person I want to be.
I had been considering hiring a video editor and watched this video to gain some perspective on the process.
Diana’s recommendations here prompted me to completely overhaul my video creation process and workflow for the better. I realized that I was no where near ready to hire someone to edit my content because I hadn’t created a workflow that others could follow.
I’ll be ready to hire a video editor sometime in the near future methinks, but for now I’m focusing on iterating this new video creation process and that’s all thanks to Diana. #readBlackwomen
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