Trying to make sense of the inexplicable

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Suddenly, I had become the worst shot ever.

The first shot was on target. And then the next two were not.

I’ve never claimed to be a sharpshooter, but suddenly, my crossbow shots were so off that the bolts completely missed the target. This was an excellent reminder to build additional safety measures for practicing my shots, but I was nevertheless becoming highly discouraged about my prospects for hunting this season.

Was I losing it? Was this part of turning 40? Did I damage my crossbow somehow? Why was I shooting this bad?

My buddy, A, who designed and (primarily) built that fancy new backstop, was just as confused as I was. Her Raven crossbow was dead on, and she felt good about the approaching season. I was shook, and as the practice sessions began to pile up with the same results, I was honestly depressed about hunting.

Time to go to the experts and get some help!

A Black guy and two white folks walk into an archery shop…

“What’s the safe word?”

I don’t remember what I said to B as we walked from the parking lot into the local archery outfitters, but this was now part of the routine for visiting this place. We were less than 20 minutes from home, but we were now in a place both recognized as feeling like a Sundown Town.

There is no cell signal, no other Black person in sight, and far more Trump/Vance lawn signs than back home. Plus, we were walking into a hunting store where, the last time I was there, people noticed that I was a rare site to see.

The same feeling and tension I felt from the employees was immediately present when they saw me. It wasn’t an explicitly unwelcoming or hostile tension, but the type of tension that could turn ugly in a hurry if either side says the wrong thing or takes offense. A and B noticed it too. We had a safe word just in case we needed to leave in a hurry.

“How can I help you?”

I took out my crossbow and explained my problem.

“Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s just not shooting right, and I wonder if I’ve damaged something or needs some maintenance.”

“Hmmm…it looks good to me. Your string could use some maintenance, but I see nothing wrong. Hey [Frank], can you look at this guy’s crossbow?”

Frank asked me some questions about my use and when I last had it in to be looked at. He gave me the same answer as the woman behind the counter and said he’d take my crossbow in the back and work on it to get it into opening-day shape.

About 10 minutes later and $150 less wealthy (I needed some things, including new broadheads), I had the green light to get back to the range, dial things in, and figure out why I was such a lousy shot.

“Everything looks good to me, Big Man. You should be good to go.”

The number one sign that a white guy is trying to get over his discomfort with not regularly interacting with Black men, but that he’s also pleased with how the interaction is going is when said white man calls you "man”. It. Never. Fails.

So we left, relieved that we didn’t have to use the safe word, and I was a little more reassured by the fact that my crossbow wasn’t the problem. I just had to figure out my shooting problem. One variable had been eliminated, and I could focus on getting my technique right.

Except, when I went out to practice again, I noticed this…

This is why we can’t have nice things.

A scope is anchored directly to a firearm or crossbow by a bracket held in place by two bolts. Those bolts have nuts on them to keep things tight and secure. If those nuts are loose and the brace is missing, the scope moves around and can drastically change the shot. My scope is missing a nut and one of the brackets (the one closest to my fingers).

How in the hell did I miss this?! How could I be this stupid?!

Wait, how did people I just paid miss this?!

The more I thought about it, the less bad I felt about my incompetence — really, I should have noticed this — the more upset I got about the outfitter missing the same.

They had my crossbow for over 10 minutes in the back and missed my missing scope equipment. Two employees looked it over and said there wasn’t anything visually wrong with my crossbow. How?!

Again, I missed it multiple times before, but I also don’t run a business where my livelihood depends on outfitting people for bow hunting success.

And that’s where, like it or not, race comes into my mind.

When I take in my crossbow for service, I expect that when the people who sold it to me say everything looks good, that is, in fact, the truth. But if it’s not the truth, I expect that whatever is wrong is something beyond their capability to notice or correct. I don’t expect to be told everything is good when something I can see is not okay.

What the hell happened? Did they purposely lie to me? Was this some kind of racist joke, sending me out with faulty equipment, hoping I’d fail and never notice?

I think that’s highly unlikely. Despite the prevalence of racism in American society, I think most people don’t knowingly commit acts of racial hostility. Besides, it would be wildly irresponsible to let a customer leave a store with a faulty crossbow that could end up harming someone because it doesn’t shoot consistently.

So no, I don’t think their mistake was intentional. But what if the unusual nature of having a Black customer distracted them so much that they didn’t focus on their routine of providing quality customer care?

“Boy, I tell y’all, I’ve never seen a Black guy in here in my life. Have you?”

“I think he was here last year, but I can’t remember having another Black customer before that. I wonder what his story is?”

Meanwhile, during this perfectly plausible conversation, Frank forgets to double-check all the components and simply attends to the issue he thinks needs attention.

I can hear my friend Nichole roll her eyes at this thought experiment. “Why do you always do this, Jonathan? It’s not that deep. People make mistakes. End of story.”

That’s probably true, but I can’t help how my brain works.

I’m not saying my hypothesis is supported, but the role of race in this situation cannot be dismissed out of hand. Not without a more plausible alternative. Is it more likely that it was an honest mistake, or is it more likely that serving a Black customer was a distraction?

No one wishes racism was indeed a thing of the past more than Black people, but white folks are the only ones who can decide to end it. Study after study tells us that white people, collectively, are incredibly ignorant and/or dismissive of the topic and how it manifests in society. Studies also show us that despite the collective dismissive attitude of white folks, racism is still one of the best explanations for societal outcomes.

What is we gone do?!

Well, I will keep talking about this topic to raise awareness and generate productive conversations with folks so we can collectively do better.

Or maybe I’ll just open my own Black AF bow-hunting outfitter and give the random white patron brave enough to walk in really shitty and dangerously incompetent service.

MORE OTJ CONTENT

SPEAKING OF RACE AND HUNTING!

I’m back on my YouTube grind, and this time, I’m talking about how 45’s comments in the September presidential debate impact non-white wild food enthusiasts.

While on this break from posting, I’ve not been idle and have banked a ton of content. Watch this latest episode, get caught up on previous content, and stay tuned!

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Thanks for reading!

-Jonathan