- OutThereJCH
- Posts
- Disagreeing without Discarding
A friend of mine and I have a consistent disagreement about the role of structural oppression on the plight of Black people in the United States. I argue that structural oppressions such as racism are the primary driving factor of Black people’s lack of progress in USian society, while they, not necessarily disagreeing with me, retort with, “okay, but at the end of the day you have to live, so how is what you’re saying actually helping our people?”.
One might describe them as a pragmatist and myself as an idealist. I’m convinced of the things I know and they keep things moving, because at the end of the day…well, I’ve already explained how they move through the world.
My recent content critiquing MeatEater brought up a lot of stuff with this friend, and so have many of the responses that have disagreed with my critique of MeatEater.
I struggle with disagreement on topics I deeply care about, primarily because I’ve not really learned how to hold the unpleasantness of fundamental difference with how to relate to people otherwise.
It took me a long time to admit that such struggles around disagreement were a me issue and not a them issue. I still struggle to live that reality in practice and this latest conflict with MeatEater is testing that patience.
But in listening to a book on entrepreneurship, where the author used racist trope after racist trope to describe the essential characteristics of “the poor”, I found myself relying on the love I have for the friend I disagree with to help me navigate through the author’s analysis. The author doesn’t really care if he’s right about why people are poor, because he’s not really in the business of deeply researched and reasoned analysis of socio-economics. I’m listening to this author not at all for such an analysis, but learn something about how to succeed as an entrepreneur.
The trouble for me in this pursuit of business success, is finding a path I can walk without feeling like I’m perpetuating racial capitalism.
Just typing that out makes my skin crawl, because how could I not perpetuate racial capitalism living in one of the biggest racial capitalist nations in the world and hoping to make money in said system?
My career as an educator is deeply rooted in racial capitalism and exploitation. The single family home and family structure I’ve embraced is rooted in patriarchy and private property; two systems I think are not good for this world.
But at the end of the day, we all have to live the best way we can.
I spoke with Dr. Finney about my MeatEater content and some of the disagreement it’s brought up among folks who’ve responded. I was kind of depressed about such (yes, I take things hard) and really lost on how to move forward amidst a torrent of self-doubt. She really helped contextualize what it means to disagree with another person and how to move forward in said disagreement.
So what to do when you strongly believe that someone is wrong and/or looking at things with missing information or important context?
For people like this…
…the answer has been easy.
And what I realized for friends and family who disagree, my approach to answering ill intent should be the same as above. But what really shook me up while listening to the business audiobook was my response to a take I strongly disagreed with, if it was something worthwhile figuring out, had to have the same level of self restraint, patience, and empathy.
Hearing things like, “poor people are poor solely because of the choices they make” has become so off-putting an analysis (which is not well supported by research) that I consistently file most purveyor of such knowledge as a lost cause. My friend has rightly pointed out, for years, how repugnant a policy that is, and our relationship is marked by them reminding me that I need to stop being an asshole.
What Dr. Finney helped me realize is that engaging with and attempting to decode why disagreement surfaces is key to strengthening the journey of doing what you think is the right thing to do.
For most of my life I’ve allowed disagreement to be the confirmation of me being on the right path AND thinking that I can throttle down in my growth along that path because, “I’ve arrived at some state of mind that is objectively better than the person I disagree with. I can afford to admire my accomplishment for a while”.
You can’t be in deep community with everyone, and there are some hard lines on takes that, for example, directly threaten the humanity of others. And when someone mistreats me, I reserve the write to respond in measured anger at said mistreatment. My parents taught me that you can’t always control what people do to you, but you better have a say in letting them know the consequences of doing it again.
But rather than stand in the conflict and decode what was behind the disagreement, I tended to unthinkingly discard people and relations and thus stunt my growth in what I said was most committed to; understanding.
So, I’m learning to practice disagreement without disengagement. And not for the sake of people who disagree with me, but because my own ability to navigate this messed up world in a way that leads to fulfillment depends on my belief that I can do better by the things I learn to be true.
The racist tropes that a wealthy white man peddles as an explanation for why so many don’t achieve his level of financial success don’t change the reality that so many people don’t achieve that same level. Whether or not that trend is due to “personal responsibility”, structural oppression, or some combination of both change the reality that so many people don’t have what they need.
And more importantly arguing with someone who you think has the wrong explanation for why something is the way it is, takes away from the energy that could be spent trying to fix the problem.
But I really like to hear myself talk, and I love to hear myself think.
In the case of the entrepreneur author, getting dwelling on the idea that I think he has a racist analysis of poverty prevents me from learning from him about the things that have brought him the same kind of success I hope to achieve with my business.
I don’t have to adopt his world-sense to implement the knowledge I find useful from him, but for so much of my life I’ve believed that that’s how things work; you can only consume water that fits your idea of pristine. Moreover, I’ve believed that rejecting an idea from someone you disagreed with somehow makes you more immune to the undesirable qualities and practices you think characterize that person.
I’m slowly starting to realize, after 41 years, that people are not that simple and ideas are not always that straightforward.
I’ve learned a lot from being in community with the content that Steven Rinella and the MeatEater Network has put out and I am grateful for the spaces that they’ve created. I also think that they fundamentally misunderstand and are not all that interested in challenging their ideas on race, racism, and a critique of hunting culture.
We both have expressed dissatisfaction with the demographics of hunting participation and the fact that some people don’t feel welcome in that space. Whether or not their perspective on the why of those trends is correct or if my analysis is well supported doesn’t change the fact that the demographics are what they are.
I think I know what to do about it, or at least where to start, and, I imagine, so do they. I called them out because I believe their conduct falls well below the standard of professionalism and basic decency and, like I said, there are some hard lines a person must take.
But we both have a lot to learn and I’m trying to not let my disagreement with MeatEater or those critiquing my issues with them and mainstream hunting in general, impair the growth I know I need to strive for in order to make the change I want to see.
I don’t know where my friend finds the patience to still walk with me through this learning process and maturation, but I’m glad they do because I’ve been a better person for knowing them.
If you’re reading this friend, you know I’m talking to you. Thank you for your hardline patience.
But you know I’m right though!
Support My Work
New Video Content
MEATEATER BEEF | PART 1
But for real, they got your boi all the way f*cked up. This is a conversation that isn’t being had in the mainstream, but is way overdue. Part 2 will be posted this week, exclusively on Patreon.
93.739% done. And it’s a good one y’all. It’s coming.
Wild Food Update
JUST THE TIP (don’t worry, the link is safe for work)
Spruce tip season is almost here! The new growth of spruce and fir trees are starting to poke out and it’s a wonderful time to gather up the vitamin C and other healthful minerals contained in the new growth of these evergreens.
I’ll have a video on how to use these gifts on the channel this summer, but in the meantime, make sure that if you do harvest spruce tips, you do so with reciprocity and gratitude in mind so that you don’t over-harvest or otherwise do harm to our older tree relatives.
Recommendation
I struggle with getting sucked into wasting time on my phone every single day. I recently deleted Twitter and Facebook from my phone because I found I spent a tremendous amount of time wondering on said app without any clear intention other than to occupy my mind.
A YouTuber I follow recommended the One-Sec app and it has been a welcome change to my relationship with my phone. It works by interrupting the opening of any app on your phone by displaying a message that takes about 6 seconds to complete and then asking you your intention for opening said app.
In the first week I installed the app it estimated that I saved several hours of time I’d have spent scrolling my life away. More importantly, the app forced me to consciously think about what opening other apps was supposed to accomplish. Within a day I began to not even open the apps when I knew I simply wanted to be distracted.
Right now One-Sec is $20 for a one year subscription, which is relatively expensive. And within the context of the time this kind of app can save you, that’s a small price to pay.
Business Update
The summer semester has begun and I’m very excited to have more time to work on my business. I’m teaching a summer course for the first time this semester, and aside from research responsibilities with students, I’ll have a substantial increase in time until August.
I plan to use that time to produce an enough content to give myself a 2-4 buffer of scheduled long-form videos to begin the fall semester. I’m going up for tenure this fall with my file due in October, so I plan to have less time to devote to the business until about Halloween.
I plan to have fun and enjoy the summer, but I also plan to grind very hard.
Reply